Evergreen seedling computational kindness [[ask culture and guess culture]] preference computational cost theory of mind make-public
In the social situations when you're trying to be "polite" by withholding your preferences - you make other people run a virtual simulation of you which is rather computationally taxing.
Although this is an expected behavior in guess cultures
reference
Politely withholding your preferences puts the computational problem of inferring them on the rest of the group. In contrast, politely asserting your preferences (“Personally, I’m inclined toward x . What do you think?”) helps shoulder the cognitive load of moving the group toward resolution.Algorithms to Live By: 313
Alternatively, you can try to reduce, rather than maximize, the number of options that you give other people — say, offering a choice between two or three restaurants rather than ten. If each person in the group eliminates their least preferred option, that makes the task easier for everyone. And if you’re inviting somebody out to lunch, or scheduling a meeting, offering one or two concrete proposals that they can accept or decline is a good starting point.computational kindnessAlgorithms to Live By: 313
Likewise, seemingly innocuous language like “Oh, I’m flexible” or “What do you want to do tonight?” has a dark computational underbelly that should make you think twice. It has the veneer of kindness about it, but it does two deeply alarming things. First, it passes the cognitive buck: “Here’s a problem, you handle it.” Second, by not stating your preferences, it invites the others to simulate or imagine them. And as we have seen, the simulation of the minds of others is one of the biggest computational challenges a mind (or machine) can ever faceThis!! I always hate questions like that or tell me something requestsAlgorithms to Live By: 313
This!! I always hate questions like that or tell me something requests
not stating your preferences clearly - imposes high computational costs on people you're communicating with